Resurrection
by AMayes
Summary: A look into what Edward was thinking and feeling during key scenes in Breaking Dawn. Continuation of Possession.
1. Chapter 1

**_Hello and welcome to my (and Edward's) take on Breaking Dawn! I'm probably going to skip around a lot in the text. If you have any requests, please let me know! _**

**_I'll take this opportunity to plug my two other stories that are also in EPOV: Salvation (New Moon), and Possession (Eclipse) Check them out, they're good. I promise!  
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**_I'm going to start with Isle Esme, just because I want to. :) Everything before (including the wedding) doesn't interest me too much. Unfortunately for lemon lovers I'm probably not going to go there and instead fade to black the same as Stephenie Meyer did. What can I say? Edward is a gentleman, he doesn't kiss and tell. And there are more than enough lemony versions out there anyway._**

**_Enough rambling, I'm following pages 77 - 85. HUGE thanks to my super beta, katmom, without whom I'd have a badly punctuated story!  
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**_I don't own Twilight or Breaking Dawn._**

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**Resurrection - Part One**

Ah, the glory of pure speed. I lifted my face into the wind created by the boat racing through the water. It was dark but that didn't matter for me, I was able to navigate through the sea just as well as if it were the middle of the day.

"Are we going much farther?" Bella asked. Her knuckles were white where she was clutching onto her seat. I smiled indulgently, she wasn't happy about the boat but we'd reach our destination soon enough.

With the engine noise, it was difficult to keep up conversation so we stayed silent for the most part. It was just as well, as we drew closer to the island, my misgivings about the coming night started to grow.

I had tried to plan as best I could for this. It was Bella's one wish to experience love making as a human, before she was changed. I'd agreed, despite my fears about hurting her. It was natural, I told myself, and it was what all husbands and wives did together. Only we weren't a natural couple, not with Bella's frail humanity and my stone-like exterior.

My cold body was a problem; it wouldn't have done to have Bella wrapped up in blankets to keep from shivering next to me. After a lot of thought, I decided it would be best to go somewhere tropical, and secluded. That way my coolness would be a welcome relief to the hot climate. When I consulted Carlisle and Esme for advice, Esme had suggested we go to her island, Isle Esme.

At my request, Carlisle had also tried to advise me on what to expect on our wedding night.

"I know you love Bella, Edward. Nonetheless, you will have to be extremely careful. As vampires, all our sensations are heightened, and of course there is the exceptional strength we possess. It would be too easy to get carried away and forget that Bella is human."

"I promised her, Carlisle. How can I keep from being...overwhelmed when I'm with her? What exactly should I be watching for? I need to know what to expect."

"Sex is a powerful thing, particularly for us. We don't change often, as you know, and strong emotions have the ability to alter us. With you that isn't an issue, Bella has already changed you in that way. Making love with her will be difficult because of the feelings you will experience. But you are strong, Edward. You have incredible self-restraint. I don't doubt you will be able to keep yourself under control."

"I wish I had the same faith in myself that you have in me." I had said, not convinced by Carlisle's words.

"Don't over think it. I know it's easier said than done, but try to enjoy the moment. I'm sure everything will turn out fine."

That conversation, as well as ones I'd had with Emmett and Jasper, weighed in my mind as the boat continued to slice through the water.

Eventually I was able to make out Isle Esme ahead of us.

"Bella, look there." I said, pointing to the dark shape. She followed my hand, squinting.

"Where are we?" She asked as I changed course slightly.

"This is Isle Esme." I smiled at her. I maneuvered the boat to the wooden dock, stopping right against it.

"Isle Esme?" Bella sounded incredulous.

"A gift from Carlisle – Esme offered to let us borrow it." I suppose it was strange to think of giving an island as a gift. What was the use of having wealth if you couldn't spend it?

I placed our suitcases on the dock before reaching for Bella and scooping her up into my arms.

"Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?" She asked, as I lightly jumped from the boat onto the wooden planks.

"I'm nothing if not thorough," I smiled. Keeping Bella cradled in one arm, I bent down to pick up both trunks in my free hand and proceeded up the dock and into vegetation where a path led up to the house.

As the house became visible, I felt Bella's heart start to race. Her breathing also became laboured. I glanced at her but she kept her gaze forward on the house. I guessed she was nervous about what was to come. Would she want to delay? I couldn't blame her if she did, my own fears were coming back in full force.

We reached the front of the house where I set the suitcases on the porch so I could open the doors. I looked down at Bella again, this time waiting until she met my eyes. I tried to smile reassuringly at her as we crossed the threshold.

I kept her in my arms as I switched lights on throughout the empty house. A set of stairs led up to the main bedroom. After I turned the lights on there, I set Bella back on the ground. She still didn't say anything, but stared, with wide eyes, at the enormous bed situated in the middle of the room.

This was all foreign territory for me and I wasn't sure how to proceed. Being practical, I decided Bella would probably want to freshen up after the long journey.

"I'll...go get the luggage." I said, leaving her and running back down the stairs.

When I returned I found Bella in the room, tentatively touching the netting above the bed. Coming up behind her I could see sweat beading on the back of her neck. She didn't turn when I reached out to wipe away the drop of perspiration from her skin. Usually I would've turned her around to face me, or at least asked her to do so, but I knew why she wasn't doing it herself. It was for the same reason that I stood behind her, not touching her. I didn't know what to do next. Did most couples simply jump into bed? That didn't seem quite the thing to do at this moment. I decided I would let Bella dictate what pace we would go at.

"It's a little hot here," I said. "I thought that would be best."

"Thorough," Bella murmured. I laughed, mostly from nerves. Part of me was wishing I did have some experience with this, perhaps we wouldn't be feeling so awkward if I did.

"I tried to think of everything that would make this...easier." I grimaced at how that sounded, feeling worse when I heard Bella swallow. Maybe moving away from the bedroom would be the best idea. It would take away the expectation.

"I was wondering," I began slowly; "if...first maybe you'd like to take a midnight swim with me?" I could hear the unsteady note in my voice and took a deep breath. "The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of."

"Sounds nice," Bella said mechanically, her voice breaking with nervousness.

"I'm sure you'd like a human moment or two...It was a long journey." It was clear Bella needed some time to herself and I didn't mind the idea either. She nodded in acknowledgment. Bringing my lips to her ear, I whispered, "Don't take too long, Mrs. Cullen."

I could feel the start she gave upon hearing her new name. Trailing my lips from her neck to her shoulder, I gave her a final squeeze.

"I'll wait for you in the water," I told her. The doors on the opposite side of the room led straight out onto the beach. I crossed the room, unbuttoning and shrugging out of my shirt as I went. Quickly I opened the door, stepping outside and leaving Bella alone.

I knew she was nervous but I wasn't sure exactly why. Was it because of the actual act of love making? Or was she becoming wary of the transformation that would take place soon? Perhaps she was just tired from the long trip. Whichever the reason, I could be patient. I'd waited for her for over a hundred years; waiting until she was ready wouldn't be much of a stretch.

Realizing that I hadn't bothered to bring a swimsuit with me, I opted to go completely bare. It was an isolated area; no one was here except Bella and myself. I took off the rest of my clothes, hanging them on a tree near the water. The moonlight flooded the beach, illuminating the sand and water.

Quietly, I walked towards the edge of the water, staring at the way the light reflected off the waves. My mind was full of doubt. If Bella _was_ ready to take that final step, would I be able to keep from harming her? For her to suffer more was the last thing I wanted. Jacob's thoughts at the wedding haunted me: _She's insane; I'm going to kill him before he kills her. There's no way she could come out of that alive, he knows that as well as I do. Goddamn leech, and he thinks he loves her._

Shaking my head to dispel the memory, I tried to focus on being positive. Bella had faith in me, Carlisle did too. I just had to find it in myself. The waves lapped at my feet and I walked in until I was submerged up to my waist. I wondered what Bella was doing back in the room. Should I go and check on her? No, she needed the privacy. My checking on her would likely only make her more nervous.

Presently I heard soft footsteps on the sand behind me. The familiar sweet scent washed over me. Bella. She waded into the water, before coming to a stop beside me and placing her hand on top of mine.

"Beautiful," she said. I could see her face uplifted in my periphery.

"It's all right," I responded, far more interested in my wife. Following my lead, Bella had also left her clothing on the tree. Seeing her this way, for the first time, caused me to fight a sudden surge of desire. It seemed she was ready after all. In the moonlight our skin looked to be the same colour, not so uneven anymore. "But I wouldn't use the word beautiful," I spoke again. "Not with you standing here in comparison."

She never would believe me, but she was truly exquisite. Being a mind reader had caused me a lot of anger at having to listen to the constant barrage of teenaged male thoughts regarding her. Bella smiled at me, raising her hand to place it over my heart. The warmth of her touch made me shudder, as fire began to race through my veins.

"I promised we would try," I whispered. "If...if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once." I didn't take my eyes off her face, gauging it for signs of anxiety or fear. But she only nodded, looking at me with infinite trust. Taking a step forward, she leaned her head against my chest.

"Don't be afraid," she murmured. "We belong together."

Giving in to the moment, I brought my arms up to hold her close to me. I couldn't dispute the truth of her words.

"Forever," I said. Gently, with her still wrapped in my arms, I took us deeper into the warm sea.

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**A/N: Like I said, same fade to black. Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a review.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hello and welcome to the second instalment of Breaking Dawn from EPOV. This one was so angsty for him I had to cut a portion out to be able to stomach it. I also changed a little in between, not too much though. Sorry about that but I was about to stab my eyes out over his self-loathing, there's only so much I can take! **_

_**This follows pages 86 to 95. The 'morning after' scene. Thanks to katmom, for all her support!**_

_**Interested in some light, fluffy reading? Check out one of my other stories: Elevators, Strangers and Surprises. (it will likely be the lemon that Resurrection isn't)  
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_**I don't own Twilight or Breaking Dawn.**_**

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****Resurrection – Part 2**

Bella's breathing had evened out, letting me know she was asleep. She was lying across my chest, needing my coolness to be able to sleep in this heat. At least in that respect I'd planned correctly.

My mind wandered back to what had just transpired. I couldn't read Bella's mind, but she appeared to have enjoyed our _nuit de noces_. As for me it was, quite possibly, the greatest night of my long existence . The sensations she had stirred within me had been pleasurable to the extreme. I hadn't known feelings like that could exist. My desire for her, coupled with the constant desire for her blood had made it an unforgettable experience. It had both thrilled and frightened me, frightened because I was constantly on the edge of losing control. It was nothing short of amazing that Bella was still in one piece. The pillows, on the other hand, had not been as fortunate. I'd narrowly avoided biting Bella, managing, at the last moment, to sink my teeth into the down pillows instead.

I looked down at my wife sleeping beside me, shifting my arm in an attempt to make it more comfortable for her. Bella muttered something unintelligible, burrowing further into my side. For a long while, I simply stared out the window, while stroking her hair absentmindedly. Part of my mind was replaying the night over and over again, going through every minute detail and committing it to memory. Another, smaller part, was dimly wondering how on earth I was going to clean up the downy mess I'd made.

I felt complete, whole, as I never had before. I hugged Bella to me a little more closely, bending down to kiss her temple. She mumbled again, turning and throwing an arm over me. The movement revealed something I had missed, and my eyes widened at the sight.

There, on Bella's pale skin, were the unmistakable beginnings of a deep bruise. I could see the faint outlines on her forearm. Panicked, I gently rolled her onto her back so I could examine her other arm. My unbeating heart dropped when I saw identical outlines marking the soft skin. Holding my breath, I reached my hand out to cover the marks. Sure enough, they matched almost exactly with my fingers.

_What have you done?_ I screamed mentally to myself. Why had I agreed to this? I should've known that in the end all I would do is hurt her.

Looking over her body, I could see that her arms weren't the only places she was bruising. Several places, from her abdomen, to her legs were announcing their abuse. With growing alarm, I looked at her face, peaceful in sleep. Even there, on one cheek, I could see faint discoloration. Instinctively I sat up, pulling away from her, as if by doing so, I could heal the damage I had caused. How could I have done this to her? To Bella who deserved nothing but the best? It made me sick. Perhaps now Bella would really believe it when I said I was a monster. No one but a monster could do this to someone they loved.

I debated over waking her up, but abandoned the idea. There wasn't any point to making her miserable any sooner than need be. And, quite frankly, I could wait to see the horror that would undoubtedly be waiting in her eyes.

Bella was mumbling again, only this time her hand was outstretched, searching my side of the bed. Without me beside her she was overheating. I could see sweat beginning to form on her forehead. For a moment I gazed down at her poor bruised body, hating the fact that I was the one who'd inflicted them on her. _I'm so sorry Bella. Trust me when I say we won't be trying this again until you're changed and unbreakable._ When the perspiration formed a bead that dripped down her face, I lay back down beside her. The very least I could do was keep her comfortable while she slept.

In mute misery, I lay, keeping my arms loosely around my wife. I was so lost in my own thoughts I barely noticed the sun rising. My attention snapped back to Bella as I felt her stir in my embrace.

Her arms tightened around me, to which I responded by grazing my fingers up and down he spine, in what I thought was a consoling gesture. Maybe she was already feeling the pain. Her stomach gave a growl, which produced a quiet chuckle from her.

"What's funny?" I asked, feeling some hope that perhaps her body wasn't inundated with agony after all.

"You just can't escape being human for long," she commented as her stomach growled again. I stayed silent, not seeing much funny about her last comment. It was because she was human that I had put her in this situation. Why wasn't she yelling at me? What was she waiting for?

I could feel Bella's questioning eyes on me, but I couldn't look at her. I didn't want to see the contempt or disdain that I knew she would be feeling. Instead I kept my eyes fixed on the canopy above the bed. I don't know what I looked like but it caused Bella to give a little gasp.

"Edward," she said tentatively, "what is it? What's wrong?" Was she serious?

"You have to ask?" My voice was unintentionally hard, as a result of the disgust I felt at my actions. When Bella didn't respond, I finally turned to look at her. She looked hurt, but most of all, bewildered. "What are you thinking?" I whispered. I had to know what was causing her to look that way.

"You're upset. I don't understand. Did I...?" She didn't finish her sentence. How could she not understand that her injuries were because of me?

"How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth – don't try to downplay it." I said rather harshly.

"Hurt?" She asked, appearing to be surprised. My Bella, still trying to protect me from the knowledge I'd hurt her as she always tried to do. Before I'd done it emotionally, now it seemed that wasn't enough so I moved onto the physical as well. _It won't work Bella, not this time. I deserve whatever contempt you must feel for me._

I watched as Bella went through a quick stretch, moving her head, arms and legs experimentally. Confusion was still clear on her face.

"Why would you jump to that conclusion? I've never been better than I am now." She sounded sincere but under the circumstances, that was impossible. I closed my eyes.

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this." I spat the words out, venting the anger that had been mounting against myself.

"Edward!" Bella's voice was shocked. "Don't ever say that." It dawned on me then, that she had no idea she was even injured. What would her reaction be when she saw her bruises?

"Look at yourself, Bella. Then tell me I'm not a monster." Automatically Bella looked down at herself and she gasped, making me wince. She'd finally seen what I was talking about. Strangely, she took a piece of down in her fingers.

"Why am I covered in feathers?" She asked me, more bewildered than before.

"I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what I'm talking about," I said, becoming desperate now for her to see.

"You...bit a pillow? _Why_?"

"Look Bella!" I practically shouted. I took her hand very gently, stretching her arm out. "Look at _that_."

Finally Bella saw what had been making me frantic. Her expression showed only surprise as she pressed against the bruise, grimacing slightly as she pulled her hand away. Wanting to get the full message across, I placed my hand over the marks, one finger at a time so she could see they matched.

"Oh," she said. I scrutinized her reaction. She seemed to be lost in thought, her brow furrowing. _Bella, you must hate this, hate me. And I deserve it._

"I'm...so sorry Bella," I whispered. "I knew better than this. I should not have-" I couldn't finish the sentence, figuring there was no way to even attempt excusing it. "I am more sorry than I can tell you." I brought my arm to cover my face, not wanting to see Bella's reaction.

Silence filled the room, and I could sense Bella's eyes on me. I didn't move, she wouldn't want to see my face anyway, the face of the man who'd hurt her. I felt a touch on my arm, then she grabbed my wrist, trying to bring my arm off my face. Stubbornly, I refused to move.

"Edward. Edward?" When I still didn't respond she sighed. "I'm not sorry Edward. I'm...I can't even tell you. I'm so happy. That doesn't cover it. Don't be angry. Don't. I'm really f-"

"Do not say the word fine. If you value my sanity, do not say that you are fine." There was no way she was fine, she was trying to make me feel better, despite her own pain. It wasn't fair to her.

"But I am," she said in a hoarse tone.

"Bella," I groaned. "Don't." _I can't take your selflessness_.

"No. You don't, Edward." Her voice was rising with anger. Finally, a reasonable response. I lifted my arm to look at her cautiously.

"Don't ruin this," she continued. "I. Am. Happy." Each word was punctuated as if I were a toddler who couldn't understand properly.

"I've already ruined this," I said.

"Cut it out!" She snapped at me. I ground my teeth in frustration, I just wanted the truth from her, not some coverup. "Ugh! Why can't you read my mind already? It's so inconvenient to be a mental mute!"

That was certainly different, how many times had she told me she was glad I couldn't read her? "That's a new one. You love that I can't read your mind."

"Not today."

"Why?" I asked, burning to know the answer. Bella threw her hands up in the air, letting them land against my chest with a loud smack.

"Because all this anger would be completely unnecessary if you could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago, anyway. I was perfectly happy. Totally and completely blissed out. Now – well, I'm sort of pissed, actually."

"You _should_ be angry at me," I said, darkly.

"Well, I am. Does that make you feel better?"

"No. I don't think anything could make me feel better now." Granted I was probably wallowing in self-pity now. I hadn't thought about it that way, or how my attitude might be affecting Bella. Apparently, it made her irritated.

"That! That right there is why I'm angry. You are killing my buzz, Edward. We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And then – well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this is really nothing." She gestured at her arm. "I think for a first time, for not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice-"

I couldn't process what she was saying. Assumed? Practice? Had she thought, all along, that she would come out looking as if she'd fallen down five flights of stairs? Had she expected even worse?

"Assumed? Did you expect this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones – that equals a victory?" I was so agitated, I realized I was nearly shouting at her. Bella sat quietly, until my breathing calmed down.

"I didn't know what to expect – but I definitely did not expect how...how...just wonderful and perfect it was. I mean, I don't know how it was for you, but it was like that for me." She mumbled the last few words, flushing and unable to look at me.

It occurred to me then, that she might be telling the truth. It also occurred to me that she was thinking I hadn't taken pleasure in the events of last night. I hadn't meant to deflate her happiness, if that was really what she was feeling, it was hard to believe she could be happy after what I'd done to her.

"Is that what you're worried about?" I asked, lifting her chin so she would look at me. "That I didn't enjoy myself?" Bella kept her eyes down.

"I know it's not the same. You're not human. I just was trying to explain that, for a human, well, I can't imagine that life gets any better than that."

I was completely floored. She really would never stop surprising me, it was one of the things I loved about her. I could never predict how she would react. By now, I should know better than to assume anything about her. I began to realize how my attitude would've affected her. My angry, sulky demeanour would definitely have quashed any joy she might've felt when she woke up. But to think that making love to her hadn't been a pinnacle moment in my life...

"It seems that I have more to apologize for. I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't...well, the best night of my existence. But I don't want to think of it that way, not when you were..."

"Really? The best ever?" She asked, her voice hopeful. I cradled her face between my hands, looking at her with love.

"I spoke to Carlisle after you and I made our bargain, hoping he could help me. He had faith in me – faith I didn't deserve." Bella looked like she was about to protest but I silenced her, placing two fingers over her lips.

I related my conversation with my father and brothers to her, how I had tried to prepare myself as much as possible.

"...I don't think they were wrong really. Just that it was different for us. Something more."

"It was more, it was everything." She said earnestly. My face softened as she said those words, finally pulling me out of my self-loathing. I managed to smile at her, though it didn't quite reach my eyes. That we had come out of this, intact physically and, for the most part, emotionally, was something I should've been grateful for.

"So, why exactly did you decide to ruin Esme's pillows?" Bella asked, guilelessly. I had pulled on a pair of pants, but I paused at her question, running a distracted hand through my hair. The motion sent white down fluttering to the floor.

"I don't know if I decided to do anything last night," I muttered, thinking about how, in my heightened sensual state, close I had come to giving in and biting her. "We're just lucky it was the pillows and not you."

Bella's eyes widened then, and I sighed inwardly. This honeymoon was not going to go the way either of us had planned. It would be a long, but necessary period of abstinence for Bella and I on Isle Esme.

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**A/N: Edward really can be a bit much at times, but so damn charming he's always readily forgiven. *sigh* Next up: Bella (and Edward) discover she's pregnant.**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Here is the third part of Edward's POV of Breaking Dawn. I wanted to get this out today. Many apologies if punctuation/grammar is awry, I didn't get it beta'ed, my bad!  
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_**Sorry to those of you waiting for Elevators, that will definitely be up next week! **_

_**I'm following pages 122 to 130.**_

_**I don't own Twilight.**_

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**Resurrection – Part 3**

The TV was on CNN, but I wasn't bothering with it. Instead, I kept a watchful eye on Bella. After her bout of vomiting I wanted to make sure she was all right. Perhaps it was just food poisoning. She'd eaten the eggs I'd made her easily enough.

She was lying in my lap, her eyes half-lidded with fatigue. After a little while she turned and started to raise up towards me. Abruptly, she lurched away, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth. Panic flashed in her eyes as she pushed herself away from me, stumbling towards the kitchen.

I was more than a little worried at this point, as I'd never seen Bella sick before. Twice in the span of half a day seemed too much. I kept her hair back from her face as she finished emptying the contents of her stomach into the sink.

"Maybe we should go back to Rio, see a doctor," I said, unable to keep the anxiety out of my voice. Bella shook her head as she rinsed her mouth out.

"I'll be fine right after I brush my teeth," she said, making her way down the hall towards our bedroom.

Normally, I didn't mind her human moments, but I couldn't push away a feeling of foreboding. Resisting the urge to shadow her, I waited in the kitchen, pacing the length of the room restlessly. After about ten minutes of this, I gave up on being patient and hurried to the bedroom where I saw the door was closed. Knowing that tearing it down was not an option Bella would approve of, I forced myself to knock.

"Are you well?" I asked. "Did you get sick again?"

"Yes and no," came her muffled reply. Even through the door I could her the stress colouring her tone. Now I was beyond worried and into the realm of dread. What was wrong with her? Was it more than food poisoning? I'd never dealt with human illness before. Yes, I possessed a few medical degrees but it was one thing to look at a stranger and another to try and diagnose the woman I loved.

"Bella? Can I please come in?" Despite my earlier restraint, I was ready to take the door off its hinges.

"O…kay?" I was in the room the next instant. Bella was sitting on the floor, cross-legged, looking straight ahead with a strangely bemused expression on her face. She didn't look noticeably worse, I thought, relieved, as I sat down next to her. I put a hand on her forehead. Her temperature was normal too.

"What's wrong?"

"How many days has it been since the wedding?" Bella asked in a barely audible whisper.

"Seventeen," I said without pause. "Bella, what is it?" Her blank look and stilted conversation were driving me crazy with anxiety.

She held up a finger, to indicate I needed to wait. I watched her mouth silently form words I couldn't decipher. After a brief pause, she started again. Having no idea what she was doing, I was becoming more and more agitated by the second.

"Bella!" I wanted to shout. "I'm losing my mind over here." In response Bella drew out a box of tampons from her suitcase, holding them up for me to see. Now I was confused, why would her period be causing a reaction like this from her? Wasn't it a normal enough occurrence?

"What? Are you trying to pass this illness off as PMS?"

"No," Bella sounded strangled. "No, Edward. I'm trying to tell you that my period is five days late."

The implications of what she had said quickly ran through my head. Late. I knew my biology, I knew what she was trying to tell me. I just couldn't believe it.

"I don't think I have food poisoning," she added when I didn't respond. I sat where I was, frozen. It wasn't that I didn't want to try and comfort her, I just wasn't physically able to move. "The dreams," Bella continued on, "sleeping so much. The crying. All that food. Oh. Oh. Oh!"

Every word she uttered served to drill the impossibility of the situation into my head. Her appetite had been bewildering, considering that Bella usually ate like a bird. Though I usually cooked well in excess for what both of us would need, she'd managed to consume it all. The lack of sleep-talking should also have been a huge tip off. Since I'd started staying with her at nights, she'd never gone without mumbling something during her sleep. And the hysteria when she woke up from her good dream...that hadn't made any sense either.

I'd attributed it all to the climate and our…heightened activities. Not once had I thought that Bella could be pregnant. Now, when I thought back it seemed too obvious. Yet, how was it possible? I was a vampire, she was human, theoretically it couldn't happen. I'd never heard of a vampire impregnating a human before, no one had.

If it was possible then why hadn't any of the Denali clan fallen pregnant? They certainly had enough escapades under their belt. And Rosalie, who so desperately wanted to be a mother, she'd been with Emmett for decades. _They're female_. It made all the difference. Once transformed, females became unable to reproduce as their organs froze in the state they had been changed in. Perhaps the same didn't hold true for males…our bodies didn't need to undergo a change to father children.

But then, why hadn't any of us ever come across something like this before? Why wasn't there any precedent? Too well I knew the answer, how many male vampires were able to be with human women without killing them and how many would want to be with them that way? I knew of only Bella and myself.

Perhaps it was a mistake. We didn't know for certain that she was pregnant. Maybe it really was food poisoning or some other illness. Deep down I knew I was only fooling myself.

Somewhere in the midst of my rapidly shuffling thoughts, I saw Bella stand up. She seemed to be peering down at her midsection, her eyes widening at what she saw there.

"Impossible." I heard her say. I assumed she was referring to her pregnancy. Truer words were never spoken. Part of me knew I should go to her and tell her everything was going to be all right, that she'd be fine and we'd be fine. Unfortunately, I did none of those things, and stayed rooted to the floor, frantically trying to come up with another reason for Bella's symptoms. If I had known better, I'd say I was going into shock.

If I were a human male, Bella's being pregnant would be a cause for celebration. I knew many humans set great store by having children. It was something I hadn't wanted her to miss out on. Ironically, it seemed she wouldn't be. Yet, I was a vampire. What kind of child could I possibly father? I had no idea if it would even resemble a human. What if she was carrying a vampire? How could she support a being like that? Vampires drank blood, we had bodies of stone, a fetus like that would kill her. There weren't many scenarios I could think of that would end happily for us.

I wished I had gone with my first instinct and never touched her; then none of this would be happening. Again I'd been thoughtless and again it had put her into harm's way. Would I ever stop hurting the one I loved the most? Every single time when I think there's a chance for us to be happy, something comes along to let me know otherwise. I was selfish, to take something that didn't belong in my world. Now, Bella was paying for it. It was too much to bear.

I'm not sure how long we stayed like this, with me seemingly becoming a part of the floor and Bella staring at herself. Dimly, I heard the piercing ring of my phone coming from my pocket. Neither of us made a move. I wasn't ready to respond to anything or talk to anyone just yet. And I was sure I knew who was on the other line.

The ringing didn't stop and finally Bella crouched down to search out the phone herself. She glanced at me before flipping the phone open.

"Hi, Alice," she greeted somewhat croakily. With my acute senses, I was able to hear both sides of the conversation.

"Bella? Bella, are you okay?"

"Yeah. Um. Is Carlisle there?"

"He is. What's the problem?" I wondered what Alice had seen that prompted her to call.

"I'm not…one hundred percent…sure," Bella said carefully.

"Is Edward all right? Why didn't he pick up the phone?" Alice sounded strained.

"I'm not sure," Bella sounded tired. I wasn't being much support for her.

"Bella, what's going on? I just saw--" Alice cut off abruptly.

"What did you see?" Yes, Alice, what did you see? Bella with a half monster baby in her arms? Bella dead from whatever it was inside her?

"Here's Carlisle," Alice said after a painful silence. I listened to their conversation as Carlisle, ever the doctor, asked Bella routine questions about her monthly cycle.

"…I know it's way too early for any of this," Bella was saying into the phone. "Maybe I _am_ crazy. But I'm having bizarre dreams and eating all the time and crying and throwing up and…and…I swear something moved inside me just now." At hearing this I snapped out of my frozen shock. The fetus was already able to move? Oh God, it really was a monster inside of her!

Needing to talk to Carlisle, in the faint hope that he would tell me we were being ridiculous, I held my hand out for the phone. Bella placed the phone gingerly into my outstretched fingers.

"Is it possible?" I asked, my voice ragged.

"I wouldn't have thought it, Edward. But Bella's symptoms, her emotions, nausea and the fact she can feel movement, would all point to pregnancy. I'm afraid I don't understand it any better than you do, son. I'm so sorry, I never thought to warn you of any…repercussions. All we knew was that vampire women couldn't become pregnant, their bodies won't permit it. I never thought about humans…"

"And Bella?" I knew the answer, but I had to hear it from him. I put my arm around her, bringing her close against me, needing her support as I listened to Carlisle.

"She's human, and apparently compatible with vampire men. If our venom can fertilize a human egg, then yes, pregnancy is possible. I wish I could tell you otherwise, Edward but I'm sure she's pregnant. The accelerated nature of it makes me uneasy. Normally, human women wouldn't exhibit symptoms for several more weeks. I know you're on your honeymoon but this situation warrants fast action, considering how fast she's progressing. Can you bring her back here so I can check her to make sure? And, Edward, don't scare her with what I've told you. Just get her back here safely."

"Yes. Yes, I will," I said, mechanically. I pressed the 'end' button then dialed the airline to book the next flight home.

"What did Carlisle say?" Bella asked, looking annoyed.

"He thinks you're pregnant." I stated. She shivered when I said that. My mouth tightened. She's obviously terrified, she doesn't want this…thing that's inside her. I can't do anything right. Better to get her home as quickly as I could.

"Who are you calling now?"

"The airport. We're going home." _We'll fix this, Bella, don't you worry. I'll keep you safe and Carlisle will know what to do.  
_

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**A/N: I hope that was all right, I wasn't completely happy with it, but I thought the scene was quite pivotal in BD. And I know I over used the words "never" and "couldn't" in this chapter! I couldn't (there it is again!) think of other words that would fit. Please don't flame me.**


	4. Chapter 4: Pgs 324 328

_**Whew, was that the longest break or what? I haven't updated since the beginning of May! Bad bad bad. Many, many apologies!  
**_

_**Thanks to those of you who are still with me for this! **_

_**I am following pages 324 - 328 of Breaking Dawn. Not the longest of chapters I'm afraid.**_

_**Big thanks to katmom for beta-ing! Lots of love!**_

_**I don't own Twilight, I just like to get into Edward's head once in a while.**_

_**

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**_**Resurrection – Part 4**

This waiting was interminable. Coupled with the fact that that dog was here, almost every day, life was a veritable living hell.

The only thing holding me together was Bella. Bella who was dying, slowly before my eyes. Yes, we'd found a way to nourish her, with blood of all things, but still, with that...thing inside of her, death was surely and steadily approaching.

At this point in what was known as a life, I wished ardently that I was not able to read minds. Between Jacob's constant longing for my wife and Rosalie's near-fanatic obsession with the monster I'd implanted in Bella, my mind was full to the point of bursting.

Though really, it was just punishment for having the gall to think I'd be able to make Bella happy. Punishment for inflicting myself on her, not just physically, but emotionally as well. I was nothing but a fool to have believed this could work.

I'd failed her, horribly, and soon I would lose her. The very least I could do was stay with her, no matter how painful it was. My pain was nothing compared to hers.

Despite my family's urging, I had ceased to hunt. I didn't deserve it, but really, I couldn't stand to be away from Bella anymore than was absolutely necessary. Feeding didn't fall under any kind of vital category.

To be honest, I'd lost my 'appetite'. What was the point? Bella would die and I would follow as soon as I could. Let the animals live.

It was a usual afternoon, with Bella, Jacob, Rosalie and me in the living room. Bella had her cup of blood next to her from which she took frequent sips.

Jacob's thoughts consisted of wondering why Bella wanted to keep him around. It was something that gave me food for thought as well. While I knew he was special to her, I couldn't understand the way she clung to him, as if she couldn't bear to let him go.

It made me aware that he was the choice she should have made. He was the choice she would have made if I'd died in 1918 as I should have.

Rosalie, ever vigilant, had her eyes trained on Bella, waiting to carry out any request she might have. The two made for the most unlikely pair of allies. No one could have guessed Rosalie would become Bella's staunchest defender; and from me, of all people.

I had only wanted to love her, to make her as happy as she'd made me.

Sighing, I sat back against the couch, willing myself to block out the thoughts of Jacob and Rosalie. I came alert when I heard a faint whisper.

What was that?

Puzzled, I strained to listen for the sound. It came again, this time more clearly.

_More…_

"Did you say something?" I asked Bella. I was fairly sure she hadn't said a word, but I needed the confirmation of it.

Bella stared at me in confusion. "Me? I didn't say anything."

_More…_

If the voice wasn't Bella's, and it certainly wasn't anyone else in the room, then what...?

My God, it couldn't be, it wasn't possible.

_Like it, more…_

I moved off the couch, sinking to my knees in front of my wife; all my attention focused on her bulging middle.

"What are you thinking about right now?" I asked her.

"Nothing, what's going on?"

"What were you thinking about a minute ago?"

"Just...Esme's island...And feathers."

I contained a smile at her answer; then I heard the whisper again.

_Good! Like it. More…_

More? What did it want?

"Say something else," I murmured.

"Like what? Edward, what's going on?"

_Good. _ A pleasant feeling radiated from Bella's abdomen. Completely flabbergasted, I realized the being inside of her enjoyed listening to its mother.

Would a monster have such feelings? Gently, I placed my hands on Bella's stomach, attempting to gain deeper contact with the baby inside.

_What is Edward doing?_ The twin thoughts of Jacob and Rosalie sounded in my mind. I could hear the shock in both of their heads.

"The f –" I paused, thinking it wasn't the right way to label the being Bella carried. "It...the baby, likes the sound of your voice."

Bella continued to stare at me, blinking a few times as she took in what I was saying.

"Holy crow, you can hear him?" she nearly screamed in her excitement.

_Loud… Don't like. _ Dismayed surprise came from within her, the baby reflexively kicking due to the sudden fright the loud noise had produced.

Bella grimaced, her hand going to hold her stomach. I moved my own hands to the top of her belly, where the baby had kicked out.

"Shh," I said. "You startled it...him."

"Sorry, baby." Bella was now looking at her stomach with amazement and love. For the first time, I understood how she felt.

There was a different emotion coming from the baby now. I concentrated to try and determine what it was. I inclined my head towards her distended stomach in an effort to hear better.

"What's he thinking now?" Bella looked anxious to know. Her entire face was lit up.

"It...he or she, is..." At the sound of Bella's voice the same emotion came from the baby.

As far-fetched as it was for a fetus to be feeling anything, the emotion emanating from it was unmistakable. But then, no one knew what to expect from a vampire-human hybrid.

I couldn't help the smile that crossed over my face. "He's happy." I could hear the awe in my voice as I told her.

Bella's breathing hitched, her face taking on a beautiful glow. I could see the love she had for the baby bubble up to the surface, causing her eyes to overflow.

For the first time, I felt the same way. For the first time I was willing to consider that it wasn't a monster inside the girl I loved. Maybe Bella had been right all along. Trust me to want to ruin it for her.

We gazed at each other, united over the miracle that was taking place. I didn't need to be able to read her mind to know what she was feeling. Joy was written clearly on her features.

And I knew my own face held the same expression.

"Of course you're happy, pretty baby, of course you are," Bella spoke lovingly to her stomach, rubbing it with her hand. "How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much, little EJ, of course you're happy!"

EJ? That was new; I hadn't heard her refer to the baby by name before.

"What did you call him?" I asked, intrigued.

"I sort of named him," she told me, flushing. "I didn't think you would want...well, you know."

"EJ?"

"Your father's name was Edward, too." I could only presume the 'J' stood for 'junior'.

Even after everything I'd put her through, she still wanted to name the baby after me. How very Bella. I looked at her fondly.

"Yes, it was. What --?" I paused as more emotions came from the baby.

_New… Good… _

"What?" she asked, eagerly.

"He likes my voice, too," I said, surprised and pleased. The baby liked the way I sounded. It was like it recognized us as its parents already.

"Of course he does. You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn't love it?" Bella said her expression full of love.

"Do you have a backup plan?" Rosalie broke in. "What if he's a she?"

I had been so caught up marveling along with Bella that I hadn't even noticed Rosalie or Jacob in the room.

Glancing at her, I saw she had the same look of wonder on her face. There was nothing malicious about it. The thoughts coming from her were full of the baby.

"I kicked a few things around," Bella said, wiping her tears away. "Playing with Renee and Esme. I was thinking…Ruh-nez-may."

All of our thoughts echoed the same sentiment. It certainly wasn't a usual name. Trust Bella to come up with something unique. It was fitting for what was surely the first baby of its kind.

"Ruhnezmay?" Rosalie repeated, rolling the word around in her mouth.

"R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?"

"No, I like it. It's beautiful. And one of a kind, so that fits." _It's a beautiful name. I just know that the baby is going to be beautiful too. It looks like Edward is finally coming 'round. It's about time._

I smiled listening to Rosalie's inner monologue. Yes, I was coming around. Being able to hear the baby's thoughts had done much to convince me it was not a monster in Bella's stomach.

I looked at both Rosalie and Bella talking on the couch.

"I still think he's an Edward," Bella said, gazing tenderly at her rounded middle.

There was something else coming from the baby; some great feeling. For a moment I struggled to place it. Then, all at once, I identified it.

"What? What's he thinking now?" Bella's face was radiant, her eyes shining.

I knew there was no way I could hate this being ever again. The thoughts it was broadcasting cemented my loyalty to it. There was no turning back now.

Gently, I laid my head against Bella's stomach. I could have listened to these particular thoughts and never grow tired of it.

"He loves you," I whispered, awed by the knowledge. "He absolutely adores you."

Bella's eyes and mine locked, hers filling with tears again. She placed her hand over mine, the widest smile I'd ever seen stretching her lips.

A matching smile slowly spread across my face. We sat there, grinning like fools at each other.

"Our baby, Edward, yours and mine. I told you he was fine, he's going to be so beautiful, I know it. I'm so happy you've come back," she murmured, running her free hand through my hair.

I don't know how long we stared at each other, finally united over the coming child.

There were so many things I wanted to say to her. I wanted to relate my growing wonder that we had created a new being, when it should have been impossible. I wanted to apologize for my previous behaviour, for having pleaded with her to abort the baby.

But I could only stare into the chocolate brown eyes, finding peace in them as I always had.

Finally, I could hope again. I could start to believe what Bella had been saying all along. That everything would be all right, that she would survive the birth.

With the baby's cooperation it was possible. I felt like I was emerging from darkness into the light once more.

Our interlude was interrupted when Jacob abruptly got to his feet. Having been unaware of him while I listened to the child, I could hear him clearly now.

_That goddamned leech. I thought he was on my side. And now he's back on hers. It's going to kill her; he knows it as well as I do. _

_He was supposed to hate it, he was supposed to suffer. It's killing her and he's acting like they're a family. He doesn't see! That thing has blinded him. He's going to pay… Hell, I can't stand this!_

Jacob's pain was so all encompassing, I physically cringed. He didn't deserve to see this, he didn't deserve further pain. I knew he loved Bella still. I knew he didn't understand.

_I have to get out. Now. Where can I go? I have to get away from her, from it, from them. I'll never trust a leech ever again. _

Acting on his thoughts, I ran over to the end table where our car keys were kept. As quickly as I could, I grabbed a set and threw them in Jacob's direction, wanting to provide the escape he so desperately needed.

"Go, Jacob. Get away from here." I knew Jacob wouldn't mistake my meaning. He could tell I was trying to help.

As I watched him bolt from the room, his thoughts turned around in my head. _It's killing her…_

With new determination I looked at Bella who had a troubled expression on her face. It disappeared when she felt the baby move, replaced with her former look of joy.

She was going to get through this. I would make sure of it.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! If you want, you can follow me on twitter. I update my writing progress there. The link is on my profile page.**


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